Saturday, October 18, 2008

A very emotional post from MOM

Grab your kleenex's ladies... this one's a tear jerker. It is after midnight Friday night, so Taryn's first day is complete. We had a very teary wonderful welcome at Flint airport Thursday @ 11:30pm. Dad and the boys brought us girls flowers and balloons and big hugs and kisses. Tyler brought "baby sister" (he can't say Taryn... refuses to call her anything but baby sister) his, I repeat, HIS stroller to ride it. Tom and Trevor both brought her a stuffed animal from home and a picture they colored; and daddy gave us kisses and video taped us walking to them from the gate.

This was the most amazing day. I compare this day just like the arrival of my other children into our family, all three of which were C-section deliveries... aside from the obvious physical pain of delivery, those days are permanently burned in my memory. No mother forgets the day a child becomes a part of the family, into her arms, and more than just a dream. A real heartbeat, a real face to love and a real soul to nurture. The dream of Taryn may be a big "shoe to fit" if you will... I have had so many nights laying in bed dreaming of what she will be like and hoping that I will be the best Mom in the world to this little orphan who knows not what love is. I am sorry if I am making you tear up, this post is being done when I am the most emotional... at night. I seem to have many things on my mind and the days are so filled up that I don't get to think about the serious things until the house is quiet... you moms out there know what I mean.

So, as I crawled into bed (more awake than last night ~ comatose would describe me last night) I smiled to myself as my house was quiet, the children I love are safe in their beds, the dog is exactly where she always is, at my feet, and my husband of 12.99 years is next to me. (Our 13 year anniversary is October 28th) My dream for the last 18 months has come true. How lucky for me? How many adoptive parents come home with such a wonderful child at first? How is it that I am so lucky to deserve such a great transition? Believe me, I have read the books... I know it will not always be this easy. Nothing worth doing is easy. I am not sugar coating this part of the process with this little girl... I know it will get rocky, it will be rough at times; but how else can I describe the entire trip and first day at home other than to say it was GREAT! No, great does not begin to describe it. I am not an eloquent speaker, I do not have a large vocabulary so words are failing me; this week has been wonderful. My mother, Sue, and I left for Moscow to begin our journey to receive this little girl almost exactly a week ago. And now we are home safe, thanks to some wonderful Delta Airlines pilots and good weather to fly through and most of all GOD and your prayers... and my dream is a reality. How does anyone get to feel this good? How do I get to feel this lucky?

So, sleep escapes me and here I am talking to you...
You know, and forgive me, some of you do not know, my father passed away 20 years ago this December. Yes 20 years ago. He has been gone from my life more than he was a part of it; and yet I am the person I am because of his influence on my life for 17 years and his genes. While growing up, my father, Jerry, worked in the Newaygo County Courthouse in my home town, White Cloud, for some years before become an entrepreneur. He worked in Probate Court. My father was responsible for many job duties but the ones I remember were of him having to go to families homes at any given hour of the day or night and remove children from bad home situations. Sometimes I would wake up for school and find a child I did not know (thank goodness) asleep on our couch; having been removed late at night and not a foster home available. Maybe those early childhood memories prepared me for this road I am on. Maybe God chose me to be one of those parents to a child who has nothing. I not know where the drive and desire comes from, which is fine with me. My faith is truly at it strongest right now. There is a quote I hear often at Church; "Ask and you shall receive, knock and the door shall be opened..." Well, I knocked on God's door and asked him for a little girl and he delivered. I have her in my arms and she is truly a gift from above.

Okay, enough tears and enough preaching; jeez o' petes! You all know me well enough to know that I am the last person to push GOD on anyone and yet I can't help myself! I have posted more personal information on this blog than maybe I should have, but I have to try to express to all of you out there who email me back after a post or two about our travels to receive Taryn; how meaningful they are to me. You have absolutely no idea how important you all are to me and my family. I, again words fail me, cannot begin to find the way to describe how it feels knowing you are LITERALLY 1/2 way around the word, several time zones away, how it feels to see your names pop up in my email box. I felt just like I could reach out and touch all of you; so thank you to those of you who read our blog and let me know that you enjoy it.

All of you are special to us and some of you have gone above and beyond to step in and help during these travel weeks... you know who you are... Thank you from the very depths of our hearts. Thank you for keeping our boys safe and their "life" running smoothly, and just being such good wonderful people. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. This process to get our daughter would have been unbearable without you, so you all should know how special you are and that your kindness has not gone unthanked.

The next post shall be all business... just details... no tears I promise! :-) As I hit the POST button I realize my first born son is 10 YEARS old! WOW!

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